i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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