This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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