and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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