idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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