ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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