So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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