Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
