whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
