i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
