Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
