Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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