I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
