Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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