the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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