Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Who died my cat blue again?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
