I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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