24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
