absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
