I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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