New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
