I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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