She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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