I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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