Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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