i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
