matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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