we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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