She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
