I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
it hurts more in the daytime
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
