I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
