and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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