I puked a lego.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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