Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
