You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I need a burrito and a hug.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
