you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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