Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
