haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
