Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
