pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
