my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
