What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize