how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
