Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
