I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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