nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
