I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
