Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
