Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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