That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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