this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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