she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
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