Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
