You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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