how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
There's even glitter on my cock...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
