Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
