i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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