Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
