You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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