so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
