The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
