Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
