i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
