I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Ladies don't puke and tell
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
