i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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