her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
