I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
